Changing Our Lives Forever

Monday, February 29, 2016

©laura su

We had planned this pregnancy for years. First there was the general talking around the subject, then the purchasing of earthyhealthysupergoodforyou prenatal vitamins (we are Berkeleyans, after all), although I didn't start taking them for another few months. Still, we weren't quite ready but I kept on taking those vitamins for about a year. We thought it could happen quickly, so we took a carefree approach. It wasn't until 8 or so months after that, to which my OB replied, "Right on schedule," but by then I had gone to the crazy place. Where you are counting your days post ovulation (I knew that you may not be able to find out until day 10, but maybe we'll try to test on day 8 just in case) and those cheapy test strips are arriving at your doorstep in bulk.

So about a year and 8 months later, 10 days post ovulation, I ran what had become my usual routine during the latter half of the month- roll out of bed and pee in a tiny cup, dipped a stick while making a mental note: we were down to about 5 more of those test strips, would need to place an order for another shipment.

I left the test on its wrapper and went off to check email.

While I was distracting myself with The Daily Skimm, next to the control dye, a thin line, the faintest shade of pink, bloomed.

I stared at the line. Was it just wishful thinking? I had peed on so, so many sticks. I brought it by the bathroom window and tried to squint at it from all the angles. Trying to figure out if this was a real line.

Okay. Yes.

I called my husband.

"There's a line," I said. "A line. On The Test."

"A line," he repeated. "A Line On The Test."

He turned to his producer. "There's A Line On The Test."

/ / /

I kept testing, using up the last 5 strips, every day afterwards to be sure that line continued to get darker.

I thought I would be excited, happy. Relieved at least. This was a very much wanted baby that was planned for meticulously, after much discussion about logistics and theoretical parenting techniques, and implanted into a body hopped up on vitamins.

My first reaction was shock. And then a sinking realization that we had just changed our lives forever.

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